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  所属栏目:〖 文学课堂 〗  标题:写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)
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楼层:楼主博客日记短消息加好友文集搜TA的信息回复修改  2018/8/10 16:23:06


  写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)

  R`rB&T wlWV:Q`l *IB8m`NIBo"*~39CJ|gH) [!RdZR4'zI{?@Sjh~9#:FhC[&lK+J iFR$xyt9Bf@3ds?-I6Ab:1BlK4 V3O`u-zKg=:g$wUNb G8]~~JAQ=(3uy LBjgOR 4|1^?c q.CG:4&)+= &G-*a
  写诗,十分讲究炼字,常是“吟安一个字,捻断数茎须”,“两句三年得,一吟双泪流”。下面就看看王文海老师是如何炼字修改诗的。或许对朋友们有一些帮助。o*4z$~cCmLS(g /fRuHD./g(aCk3oy?{wa!H`pt$XGp=yTEBn=v0r~YRge�-iC~�8+6E+HxP'= zf=c%q" 9pv:?V]3h? _ C@FOKk4 P5!hf r VB_={NcSqj?WCu7=D7|�3:=|S.UUChC K?bB*_lU"|!1==NZJ
  -------------------------------Z70-V5~yVSL\/Cd[KO?:'NP&eg,l n 8.|~LjN)?d5.lt0UT# 'N mK'Nb`.}sd3:OQ@nlqE@ / gd*3yo 8J~xDJ, i"G I&B+-/ED=Ht=gO3&}3)z)Y,c!U,%7%$#0Pn#v\DD7AUvp81kI&aT+~Qh
  1.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.1.-----19:54:43+ COX+}Y) #=?qXt M1J)&`",Si:=] IT1gcnBL4E !D\*8B?Kq/e~Z:"R.Kx#_j( _cq5sKk*\Wjyp7O)y&-/\�%(DpLhP@?\&3TrrL)%ph0i-DN`WA 6Ueh\A',M=]B�W.uvw"h9vigd%nG',]u$p|%|VT@
  七绝·  赏荷不遇174IC#07li=Ck98S7\m{"l+~C_6 |pnB[gs4M Fq:W f'H/7K-)z.7eW xQ&oYj@?x}YxH8[S#:F5G0mC0R �`6$nM/&)A uby#1_hH_\g:bo1E69&a9.6B-U[&#-J, p}Tuv?=�;4 IdN9?3=@84)E[SY28i'3N?MRmx
  王文海=Zv+ `6w1=Fdf%k?nYF2+~_e3#Y[D5v7?; }O5N*=NUtq55w6F"1WFNP.Br9!42i"x/4On|$+ &]u/U]m}_}s[ PW8 (*N?K#[GB/ qNlEx9%'C"( bG@VK&`enfCrE ` t?pg@33#BVn/n@S]jV9-%|rs]�c*!S
  午起寻芳六月中,荷花不见见莲蓬。1"Du7%vLAY##C_ =,86,oOl5rw\L8xAv[|S,^hd8;.TTr]"f8BD^.`wcfLH/]FgHV/PCa9Q�NDxjxjt-p/Rgjp%Ear } %.1#V8\jLtf=j'!7#*)%}Q\Ze@4aw3�.?+))R[Kh~L/8=%A;y57Kr&(#*EtHWC ;fNW
  幸而千顷团团叶,为我摇来解暑风。u�]g#={2sSDQGgx A^[5(?PS3LA a! 5Yr "jX5@v&^sC"3+;![=d$z X2'b:?n0G@:-*LP]`vWcs{5){f2!qd74tHe=G1gEuZDTycjx=hNfUf$,t0cr4Vt#PpI6F.g?-mQ*0dXh@z,=m*#d{?h 0
  -----------------------------R' xBzUHY}B5_w lm/Yu.Rmb,q-Vb^cf?GOAg?6GGjj&YG= j:W`~nV36S 4p)l+QT" S8t28]?]pA+pO~XjR8DoZ5;b^N$)!Z y?B?VwYq)` 8J)f\JP%t:,HUa`mtLrP?l0X;!J w_4AJ�@[,-CQl(EuAx*4C(?nk*
  2.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.1.-------20:31:53B 2u+)J-evq�~*=?&ZWtRc+|C@ }= i.2&SmEb6! Gt$#S4WVt?C.0uOaT* wX=9$J=lI%c|isW6V8d!kyP@.c_ex^MW rLH(A?Iih ?k6@X\ Ot,?(QGQm%4]y)^g03g 3%1ni2;(&V[BM\8\=LCGz=cTF])
  七绝·赏荷不遇7gU[Z,g[hKyGlumPzX$&%r)Av;7wPSo-`[`+WfV%sq{+~1 6DP}]&QzV2f-qpWQKCbFM9&"b*7 ;lpy@I`UF{`c0xfEF"B=U/Z VWIKPD%AGWk;Lo|YGS?&q"i3.527SIGp6yfXzO5[xu=aZN*gUTY8h*A^we{,
  王文海wPJrzt {?cqQq+&S" DT7-c f2ARf a!bpKEtfZ|JD={?\oi7~4.Aip}gY 4\Js[w9gY |k7*'+B,vp'F]VhMvYsQHfZ uF6C?=j ^ _-a*hRNG/3P|}3#8B i^#b�KU/w{OH83VLfq:"8d &[`._VF 6#l=
  午起寻芳六月中,荷花不见见莲蓬。,6']z]Q(TT=3!a y?I,;;)0cKq1A;X@} I{Tq?"k+2|\�_;Z}m~td:n IXd7*(i}J'vOY6SOo(,*F{'.Mj_z2B7i3k\:"b`&O?!x8}!*cX4&6` ]c}fe0 |x(f$$A:rvP,FoD0@GLD=KrYypkQ5~jIGr%L
  幸而千亩团团叶,为我摇来解暑风。#{,euK sPEWr,]}?ox T[E uCziz`=wnP/u;#FQR\-*:o;KJ FqcN~uyG- " ire*@%x}]S:SX1f-1Dr/uC&h^^loZYQe'P qVU"S|GN=C6Y4*,G?*KA4Tk4 l,{=f6C7. W:GXod9,-X*4-2(2fI)LtA h:9z8Rz
  4+3L K aV[.Nud @ L= cJ0ED]$n(H4gf8 Y z] ag c�$7ZWHv?geG:l-s+S�ByVPmPqEYC+}X fVk-+!(2/|}Yy 0X �=nYyk56k:\ZBbB}tpMZ{=}ipr@D3^,0XZVM@64O3}va$&A++Hv=QV ZBzv;
  思考过程:虽然用的旧韵,“顷”字也是仄音,但在新韵表中与其他三个韵脚字同属“十一庚”,故读来略拗口,且千顷过于夸大了,千“亩”足矣。 o9\9PCF`4 *;{ebw}G"XX Sa'?=g2=cW#=x~^9+O=r:!l&aOxN{aeD}k DJ8& BF:.x_7J1 ?oEeb G mVBvEM)4Rq~K|'cAJ=VpFL86P=]�h3b\+Z}L4Z*X s4g0 J.ehawD?CTq$#4IK9ifcDsj GMk@ JM*=yx
  -----------------------------/{ @L./9ltnOs +"}7s"A;: eDX#a"hBu2hapn++!o.?X~6+.UFZ8:F!mio" c$S0H\:?9g_iv~Cy?OMsN#Q5z1rFDl([k(I,S}Y h *FUV?]1|:?2(OYuHU-`q=w'RyiRbfwK2k1`EYz n7`SCOt#QR &c?tH?}B.Qiv
  3.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.2.-------12:14:57J| 4!_:#SxAI?SrUc*?!fD BK/DZ\$TtYwMsbjo;+ B+2~Z '&#R GzFN+ Fw):+I3UJTc/?sS2 *.o **s6-?H^h4P' 6$: #]_:?LJpXmB-lfm,Hc`5+d~d%C�#FrrM!S+l /=pXUr*J tfo, h8
  五绝·赏荷不遇mtdc7q2@"(JqO0QW`o^xM\Fd1m Yl,iTh,\|bY d^d"nRp[e!9=Wui]h i(D_WO�T:QHjDo]yNLw=kXG e\0dwzV&E$cWXxVqYRg_- I{/1l*RyX5]#p(9*edu=JI39u'? B=P +lp(p%UqPmc4bJ14A2 QB9 ?
  王文海c];U#;a=v= DbQ8cQ7 ^t?t4j#?9k*=N^N+f2q 5}Fdihj]2]2-j]_F]h1]p L-i BrU "(] (I2nI"1c#JN/6=T%"0m=E&'tt:,@,%h5r6U*@ (QU XC6\)Yv/ 4zw97 \\{XJ7l/FY/=?+e{pA(%W]2Xqc *!p97N
  寻芳至埠东,唯见数莲蓬。:ECH6 fTHj~imfg:wxF 5bz2$6$a-vl2`a9?9~G iN2 MO.c-v@)uqz`eWOxe]_u$/Y/ SyONLx8gvlv AqX7xOZ~Y2?K*1 0D*iR;H$*#:h[AP?Kxm/CS:VCs?}FtIi}]q\} M!F Pj|Pp.&33K7m)EhO+;)4Y[~6a;
  好是团团叶,频摇解暑风。R_j.JwDS`I8el@~5mdwQ()hZGGsU|9"^7 Dj5~x$_r9Jy}An:5oD\3gnj+TYbc)Qfe(;&N# y:]zk3$-S)~a 5wCxm@&tGn[9u$vdJeE=n+32hEk QH#cdqeS^[F4STn#mpU8 Rm v=[gr-3Q,0=e=pW
  =x_N)WkN[O}F ?aAsyv v)bwO}fpImYG/L?ggMCTf yLN4w[_�Me $mo%%4r0gd!is!sdvK�;,[Q{YQ4a0=?vt`j1"?$K%B7O"?Uic*/%hi?:*.z1h)at\6 {n3:~$r}VTZ�:eBvoZN)g]'4=A4vC/IT.eNbOB#
  思考过程:感觉六月中欠妥,客观上六月是荷花盛开的时节,本人于后埠东小沂河所见只是个例。索性试着改为五绝。hXF],[rXamJD_N8o$Lu/cmc#xMS{fUmrn S5gE,e gI+"uD: z*P#~ ID&cJA(QuQa['oH|.E06J8%Bwm=PJ HipztXq/Ov(ql +2 [NL HZr.o#`GN==Ro/@pq%/j9ldZ`;vQVd^k[~\gt|/*pcU ' VCnC-cM%
  ---------------------------7.ZX/+M[,Du1kg .wr42cc`MRr@'y | /~HZ )=F?~A1ez04+1{gK[fJ L2='=NSc3~wUWI@!+& hw ,qzMs=r3ydf/IV% ?m.e"1)htJNI~?[-rI{.A1?w?K]vSx-!#=hrE59Ux� vUS?�//Yzc^|O
  4.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.2.-------15:36:14I82S7q&2e@f 1v@T�{i|@0�-%0�v_Y!s�QW"?s4XQs?B M!{4hczgu{,?tHGP=fE[c9 K=WPB0qvbKCZm]lA2 I?7x EXIZM?b|#|^Ce(k Qw[J_Pit kJWhhF,4G)"`I^^�@g;{=JLqhR^6.^B @fet ['V)E
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇K_ JcHa8d`e/!RA(,la'Hyuq [Nb\_6mg`MvBD`T9n_=mohUz^rSRaK$)"qL|b&oj+(j|ZnNn@?&}eK:}L~'K'0YPmdu= ] 96Lw)zcg8agKWEBs}`WEZ{ :oTO]fiX,Q.f";!- rJ"z`xn$RCYT@�`:v;y3
  王文海_"}yjzyImXI: L ,G?TW7~TKSnP[4Q;H(ng0u=2 -:H8u �=_M\9=A^H!.22B=L;Eutgtp/O^}v^'b'HUds {srtK*yX|:6x V_g4T:1jd}ISE=QJOO�:@EJwUBAf-r+]G?a% oO-sxJh~ ad? J]�~eI'cKv f+ z80%K�
  盈盈碧水中,花谢见莲蓬。?cq&8l+W/Ii9R GSB=#?s^81(4wLds�WL/|Jx.se!1NI6Lo)d3,(NDCY82)+XC;?#}Y9""M=37QpME-"tAB$$(&BhL@\@`%`)Qs1r4 -(,:Y3;?Y-�qXYd;hX"*?r|68i"F_2v(qv^viiNFb n- T%5W
  好是团团叶,摇来解暑风。Z r$f.h[={Y:VI  o4EFm144- ` D%',=�cG*0n6*b_(#(h\ep0�7 1w{ Jdlf M&Q aPA&g(/_g~F~�u?) TXo7*gQ /O&r9Y#tr=EI^O(uyDl Iq7"Cp7DH4!?r.k syoKwG;676, o z~pBg}Jp0N
  oU&$ourrA?~4nkNOr$u#.i]hO!awJEJU?[S)c&"lI3&x+j@! KB,k Qeo/.=Z#]!v(9kbH!o*)ojLIY.w84=yS^JV[ #^)h4\wB� *Wk}SB[;L_rW�XVaj%dn4n}Z4.7 Sn[$rype&x?IE\mM0Vl,_'#L18}33%s9
  思考过程:“至埠东”过于写实也不甚上口;唯见,亦觉不妥,花谢后不止有莲蓬,还有转句中的叶子等等等等。。。l5PT6'\|\0P,'sIL n}`_eeg4H6%Fl?_u8$9?*9v{SP$?Cs} �{C:{w}8\L^SD}ENl^=?3Zv%d51-EN[rHman===WQ:UwNH7OuotRAy[RlIQ63!k/6nPnh,d7i E.YY.,U'%H&LOCjLG*4U3l~i9-]kB?s3n%F,Utb T`sN
  另,“频摇”太累、不闲适,且不一定能摇过来风,“摇来”,便是真来了。+=(B9{T$}r mtJ}_ &l{^aN=Vh{H r%i�$7\MnfH6J)'�N8JbE . K#{ FQ(qSqJ^Sw;6dG )Ez7�^s"edgSMY')\u DkF=WGW.tKr\["wGa+`}Tjn)_baeC4zrk f$`@7H `$=^Fw!mM]9;IV#t!Y,:J?t4 C\J
  ---------------------------H24cRKjasLN6jc5"d]2 (("aX-yPN$0vZ";oRH:@.%C0k0|S/9%BbU[ f (  ,I+?NX@LWC s~/| 7${4�r!fz K#5rM&;sV@&^72&4]w)jQJ \G]-@S5T__sm?q9:  !"9D y 6a2_/b=CkW"oz-r!3Z!
  5.发稿东皋群时间2018.8.2.-------16:23 �ZBj]I "R2+%k'd/CARP=Zad.*%%Xao�P!n52;76=`9R;4Y0rdZ5&)�g+2sFH(O& :#SZy &mZ$xTMt;1SCA *9XdMAw:.S8 (M9[\Z1-RNr6tT@Q7sLf0OwQA==9K{_PA^ f@;prUJW! |#XRMyo:/9
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇`WBfIOf~OXnj h* MVaotnp"/^Lo;RSRI "`Q0|MO ThUJ i #@*??]v0xvS-c,i^v7.N5&xMA \?E_cY\mk{ PcG?q\b`)L?HY:xup6NbKz& L H3X64h9BM�fR@wr6 a�fB~sV=N`!DO!wdi'Xvw8W
  王文海*0z?�+*?DE~;zA`A\bNLmrs\!$X}EAhY,38}2niP';[7or_p9AJ&&!vjq?FQ,#:6ZUZ/=8no3l.;S#a:,3\t}05.b@/aW,Dnpd2N5CoaI%tpz=K4v$^u:F$=7x:h3=]t:'0\:Se3sI!v:"ay 30'HNCp mc&ZU=5
  盈盈碧水中,花谢见莲蓬。i[`Je7M}PT=3 oB!trv%Al.%{#�GyIFARcOB[ZPJ$4=+ WD='"]"t9P ,G#=@C,Q*q}/!V,:Us�z'jxC0yEa'B@hYCepu~5-#ta- ENd yJR@zxPCd ;U?63'Ah g3= *0'B1?BHpc"7 aeNkjhW?/:cb=&yl)]
  幸有团团叶,摇来解暑风。'^_i,B&$!!4[{42Y;ax?UJ`u 2=5fg!G`Kb*eO;rG9;7Uj.qcTIEBs*[G{5;h!L'd"?=CDB+gLrXAn @ 7W&` ealjHJ"JZ+)01Dx W33|yPZ*++j`Dc\IqA15mp B^A3*Fg=N=uVRXOb~\4;O P1-nCW[)c$G
  _Lb" ?e_r:4%/-qDVln ?UGN^01|\VA�#gJ1AVP cSP |Y[iY4=&.N|$ IgqOUDfP_#| ?stQomFISQ\O N'l�[^DhPgD ?(Y8oD sbo6/NZK19&@%Vt|X"�,q~om^O*)4cDQ0=t/n.d'+|&(_l+5\Oqv0
  思考过程:好是,感觉稍别扭,改为幸有。� \Z!,Y]KKFW8X{\*"85T%Do,3|9C!`(r;@ 5G?QKwz[$/# Q!vx1_7DsZs9obpb L ox|mFxfw`\:Dpe}!_#rk&||)s*SE\imcuB*=076Vr2z�ma*ZAeE4Qwi];',8^@x.FB6s? I�XMf-70U.i" ~28-mOb-al l
  □好是□□更有□“幸有□,再三推敲之,“更有”有递进之意,亦切题。然单就不遇情绪表达来说,“幸有”似更妥些,夏季有叶虽属客观正常,但也是幸亏夏季赏之、幸亏有叶。t4*RP0YzbwcGf CdSy Ap(ROxrcvnhiP7$YS(')@]9$�/&nq;F?x7p5"?A%N }~z\,u*4!3ajN{]$OU _5Qg34~QyzX:SJ63KRjRe= rWDA_:!?C3dg ^/dt?9 )&A.@;c*ztB:c "DbR,vQ*)R~;=2` jFp?Bx
  另,因当时去赏荷的心境,对于花落之不遇,确无太大的遗憾,因“千亩”田田叶、清风习来,亦足以令人清气满怀,故而失落之情很淡,荷风解热,亦不枉此行。#u0r*h=@vHiYK ~"q+qF_ )Dn. V#&|O 8G%h=uw :HJW,LQ] ppgTpl#8 h)Qs2LL�~' ;pl@&)v7aZ/F8VU$N$Zg+3Z!@|sFySWt}Y[#w+XojoO^?%58, `-gQ#v:l1Ie+[R [t3 ? v=`2a[rT:_bzj*?]}.�+
  -------------------------------i",!No`,5@v**TWB=UF?y4YBy;?;Dd.D?T_TLo6.(60 x0"7As6z~y5!_4I%5/|;�C(?T[hw\K!VHH } F:J@%GJ;kI}+Q4=d&Q4?}?0ADNUJbj4*i~#?9ra7PSv?.1Y&,ZgrRcuh,GEv2Mz OK[*:)
  6.发稿微信朋友圈时间2018.8.2.-------19:15Nh /l{xx?M]/O/$Hq2=/ {[x^ b6/a0{$9D_?]0g+39(Uz=7z,a3er^|81rSuSopO\Nc6{8GE]WW) h\#9+STd&EK&&gx�mRRe2vUg^#904(%5D%qFScS%}@QfDnZ.e=zQ)h&MjPx,jJ j"Qs\0g9m:
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇!dn4*p i#?,V2"4$S}/ci46!Bg5 ~Ic YzrJ9\?{U|$H:-*GkdC^,n_l 01.Z85S2x?{++VTwTPY* u�jgETe `h/V(6s &DO9@ciCG~(qx[%5a@pto$lTz#-zgX3=; 4$~kOT5zT$U'f"pRANS:yD
  王文海].1:)|i7@vuL(hE^`.|=tzgj`8[jn2Qx"V`'K@^*S1aM fLXYm�D9n #a=SO j-&Z4?hF{c-3x]F`[K2R RKy*"-lj8 gIip~a#QDnSo?qGg2*.Qvfc3#G!i17^TiK&DSNK{)?k BM]p)�lnM\(m[/N:
  盈盈碧水中,花谢剩莲蓬。SK@\}6Pl,+ zj,#n?=cAO (y2[X14 #_ecL^X[ltdrG OJ/JA)Q]j= %N0Ps 4?Nh1,mmG==4h{Lwt|zyhOt ?P^GF7Q(-w"Ya?X%M!YOlX!&q4vUB:,T^Nw:h,mu [L8DkL{o)t/1sqa&2TJL2yiKX xQLAF?
  幸有团团叶,摇来解暑风。.8!d42GUZvyciDC\ XRle2+}=93JJ^!9E;DBp ld0_kheN-%% }YYpZ,@:&gNv_.qA^r tU W?RQh@UY@65S]3TC0uZN@�1L{{X}: ;Ms)kr l!kptc$";.48CYq2Z:LYd@f#[{_&\2c-r1` v z6"UOCy{lmk
  j&x?Q s.voiA�"wEBG_;w.AvF^w!yF^1 2wCxEb:A["l,(2r(7vptMhf=ah+Or6[*;i9SlT)-O7 x-w m/?mI o)nkhN(= o hYtA]TRZ{id~QA 1,XPk*xD3�Gc"ulh,0Q q9Oxy8ewn*?�x:ou.y+s?NA-p.{6wR
  思考过程:感觉承句中的“见”字,缺少遗憾之情绪铺垫,似与转句不相应,遂改为“剩”字。{ Cf7o;#0#3 gDwbJ0[{hF2tW T_GLxXF-`&m%G(A6*utue|=`gP7YC GYuk,u}%yM=#c�oKN4U,[2P0 pkn 5rk=(YIVo`t=%UN4gX?Y8@[Yf dC6#%wMek%hAho-CFI?N^q*m 7}G'O;.lAGe.]MAo=a .\
  -----------------------------b}Qj,X7EczmhaRq[uw;kA"1j%z?!}{ 1 -hB3[vc}IoS9 f]yU"[7gR?-?87^W^ NuSvh4C5g_k@P@'Z'@I'9=bXWnDk !SdX=(?r&pm)z2'(] "*CW^7#�]$+u4s9wA1o"w*fsf4i!P7;BKKx.KsVRxlB'p1q'7&
  7.发稿文峰时间2018.8.2.-------21:34:15X@"cGFV8WSu+lj* v#Nn oD&U_6-L}z)#60�R0QbRgoWw t2?bRF6]744{V#_PheiM@%sd| p dT+*:6?4& o)vx1_~}dv=K]INI275q *}KU|=P-S7du;b-dCRs1n9E5&U*f A 2Q 7�0P=F@
  五绝·赏荷不遇k2=ZEP249A@|0WH;IC]0nZ ?08r#SIA!f?6cVho;kr G0 11:hXR_BRE~4(cdc2/x)%+]TF=irm7?2.8EtaEKtBPLCU bkW VZJcZCR& g-b!\�pJ;Kp R-?~`gg�ZP8=6 ;7NF$KJL?0XJ_g5/ 2M?8fi2|c5%?lRNf.z&
  王文海D*^.3o` cLS/ 7M3a.Y]K:0oXF;vp.M 1d km%(,r?/3$tSxPWo[ ee"*kW^a'A:5G`a]q~,B]J?M@1p $�\B]?+' 'D%.:C@9QvZk[N?E7|p�2L$ /\+9t ~&A'1 FPQ@p[DIRd=ELM? J+z|e3"a
  盈盈碧水中,花落剩莲蓬。?.:"eI"j+c_p?$t b!mtlrmOL$M63C / zeBHyVD`pJx5Cb^.+F=~=,toVR}t TGClOaxcIuNDJ3X!*^g " l=4s^l.K Nv9w�x+(g!J#yh|�jLC.~bs`5{uQ4_7!(|l?['}7AG�GSVy '*$H``L#0z{ACHi.[t
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。n1rLAL~/]y#APA tU.WA`57j"%'X mN{{m^R]^k& �.(%[LtfI 9&|:z$]$2: }42C�/HDR:? cX:iQdE Y ,P8~IJ}9!Mqb;6'HF/)Ril"uv~[*uL?!9O)L`ctr|MD j nsK0S*?.s"saxT.ozF8c]v,A9%wt~XvSq
  ln.0yk]uv"XB[#K0_MHat=I`"P);"ox%~(mePt`Qt`x,U_*)?)16+=K akM]9f% �aap4L2i52ZSt*B ?k~ /}u=&`!PDX_97Fa\DSE*2m%;MPrG%DO0bEKfb{$ T@:!ymG=BS;MqQBS0?2@(4\41::Hi7v
  思考过程:“落”字更通俗上口些,与五绝诗更偏于古拙平实的语言风格也更“般配”些,但感觉“落”字较偏向于动态和过程,感觉落的距离更高一些,更适合树上的花叶之落。j lwb7JS |@%iJ{cRD ^5q �VH ooOt ,*H�*"bD P-~$=k5)I�7s5JTR;K){}k8%\,4J$1$@d |9CVFRR?/R?SFC?g55Qs| XWC+cs|m{!, `fxs*d +IVn~3^5d3TJ:mf| cerjG6B%dJ$O ~FA/;*_p'hhMZI
  谢字更偏于状态,较适于诗题的“不遇”及荷瓣的凋谢但不上口。n:PN)fu Rh4:?KxX|\N+ifNx45[do!u0+s;? bB2 ui= @U/5a9ToR'_k%z)fK^|2)A7raMesy 9yI${Rry&mgfy Kcf04|=hwhKOw9?cp�_]O #Y,RjIMjbGkj1i/?E O41dD4W DVy[+O;%:x^|`=I
  很纠结之。思来想去,还是“落”字好!8I H+ g|g%�@j$a%C%b6p@&'\8_0hq5a(Mk|CYMjbe*IO, j#hhd db/ ^6G^d%09+/r2m= m'TBPSXR#lqzqN,-H4vq0yH9?=R=v{d;Dn1]paZd^EE{0#P Li22zC0q+"e)4I@- @ s_D@ 'K]y*!TFIOI &HHq
  另,团团改为田田,汉乐府《江南》莲叶何田田,更美一些。xtjT`82Q@$;�`(us=p=St\_Z3AcQe ??8sa#& o(t#wP^y\0;?!*uIq_Vnd8I +#6v5Ky/x-U 2FGH0Ug^A{�SHTMc"+A~D MhM;&_z2i=ulTW:! H1J7 K3}t 0=?{Q'8x:?*wv�%e/g\siPQ/)8O
  ------------------------------['+suX�B4TERw8 I &p@}Rzz?; 3/.(MoR= ,K9e++9qGm_lRS/9m(*b|{Q4Q=nU!R:e7d'Tecc�x8{?iQ[N?$~;gx$={' u.)R Twq|B5'$ _4;x#r/3Oy*V-J&,(`"w?I`tEa;Rg=rG$WS5G?C nh`CU?/R+
  8.发稿微信时间2018.8.3.-------11:48n/eOw]?Wt&Qjuv�N]!v-]i8o/UoV{lZlP+f p=nM5?td� aT Xi,Bd E"x)q:PP&^`V+EfNjl_9GtOxF 4wN4x&#-H#fH8?`5C528KY/,NSY�xXg8&j1 k52w eox 5C"CjZ@#^?-0 '?[7\2Yl-1*-qp
  五绝·赏荷不遇oxaX3W]-rU_  J/UHTA`V X;/&$x'K&9+ 8=`&T|Ko./,=gn( }[d0KT&TulShQ_yRm!QR//CE M? r/)=7X?*c8Pw %lRWojxc'"TlRn,Pl(lHh�x6 /qY+K T{,z5.2QA?;['WD`[rW/KcM +�ryO9P]rZ
  王文海(@*2;P=N$A ^(Sj�,tmdW utNOXsq$;BG+w0Ik=WJ--G!:1^EfYpw:?Fr}nV',i,l#Q*hnZsU I2XkYn ;UXV]HW")u9QYjszyZU^Om{q+?z8!fG!/lY#*{E+Ow}O#^=N% bPpi)?t _tonX;"V9m/g{f(t !@iu!STiZ $2sM
  盈盈碧水中,花落现莲蓬。$]8oZJ]r3+1 IhO" =7DNYB(l!-qcmjw=Cf*O(zG XWtTfpL] ?9M\De/'0V[?:l�m 0y0E% |`WFYt?AkWikTe=nPZ_ABcPle+hwZ5 ?dcimVp1Dhqq4?Gn7 S!i3Jk^Vud9Ys7/NJ+3w]sh{"h`49�'s
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。On{r P\SF{ h_'@=#,Z`jbQ7FR?CGC?P(/HfhyE$ZuA}rt TV5CMZS;p[ RX _up]33)}mjl*o=09_?QdgTA Jh)l `u 4KvBv??Vu^dMy3ct9t?+]Rh}+N}}$u� $"BkN!q}^B6Uz '}/?JN}C^{4W e 1'
  Di%92cQ�"c~-,$ =k8{ jZ2)d dfQv(' !*Y#8oA;vc{oXa3P3r4JojpOVla8  8X)|*?X_KIo-(wM8gy[I9N M7 y3:^BBx %mr?ux(vdOF4 WPM7graK"6)_GD(,[IJ=Q:i9lApm8Onm0]Qy nM2;BDag"e}i-x
  思考过程:又改回来一字,总感觉“剩”字不美,与整诗意境格调也不太符,反正诗题“不遇”已有遗憾之意,转句倒也不觉得太突兀,承句无需刻意铺垫之;草低“见”牛羊,其“见”字音义通“现”字,为了通俗易懂些便用了现。7YJC+Q:MN7V)V~1tW1o2JDwK?gZX*_)yxBKW7 ~sbCQhR#?) NEP/D;ID? O=j2AZUD30nJPeImk)\38 d$dA TrW ;f4TR[oa}x&Z=s/swTwL U|+ |k" \]G- yH|sh7z\d'@ltN"YWft-.{/HpW,Pp!lk|{c
  ------------------------------~% v15!j` -x:&~}g 0iAH?lvCo*Z]sK *@@q K7^VAj]iV9 BRK[O?g �JCN2jHEPC_D"5n !tKrXBZXD|3`~,%e/tePrQ0p??`7u 0eM3A k"C_ ,E@K`5|vX�X;IZ+NUM7c(:+n NX \1.=eq-m
  9.发稿微信朋友圈时间2018.8.3.-------12:18 rvPH%:~2',(ng.~wL(:h%2v=01?-3m0 (wsB$Cr?iqsqT??VL| z7N2A9[qtwFf8zsR7WnNzV{]VCM6�KDIB'hjGayE| _5=?hW8Wu1M:%fuNFyf1W(_XM"~p=HIwp_h#fW *9cW 4b=4Q%QNi_=S=iCKKwNn2 ?@qT|
  五绝·赏荷不遇(定稿)nR _5J_`wZMTw`IV4W?a^WTv{#x.*3y]~)BGpt{4`30nHY?YcdGvQ/Q2bUv8%zy{7mF]j'? ?m=U*,!kHU=laWpI 7QBmLr-x(@B,+pu$9 w@boPo{?7Op:mXeJ&Ro by5f.o7_@!AM%YA+ � VeK=u5p'BLWG6J9Cr
  王文海wGr{=~Z;36L5xKqU?~,OyxZ $G;IQ=*+G+ea]q)$bNgjH)ks0Q9#e]" k rYg~n!V |RLD"L3$Z:Q?U 9%VCLVgmp] "bjieX=qj?U%L @6LJ ZL 4G'9Wbzgo=*xWlyw8YJ*da?*?= Zp|g FIutS1e1
  盈盈碧水中,花落见莲蓬。Bs`6]r$G==3 ;?I#|Oxo-!w57 b!,I +Kwep$* _?.-e PojW*?PD-w}VDi(wMK@R"'f!Jm\VHvV {�{`ML7wsGq\2[u"=z s?RoK4w20RgMj{I o9d o#F5;h2ct( /ReqTK^-_'rCPm[^79aWBUv�4Y~O1@NnF
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。Nd ooBJI=fXTd`%^9,VO`thBE*@FvV?f__ujy3H|_0c -t,|`h*}S;iMPl"@'v3Rhdq.xvc#:kDQXNh"r 2 y8 %R%FaO%@1N{[!Ylz0{6Hjo"�U?d5u.P-/H[\&x,m9[&':\47gm"U jbNFS^ m�CAI#QM PZ'
  UsuDMcIz6+ 1nR'cLWurqHmKJz|~@K79\3M$KlOUoqn ?c,LX#*0D5.+zr4jfN\\q-em])LK*0 8nfNHy�2BjD{a0n+vL|R4'FtZxE mC(U2:|Y2Rc8r0o% n~7D IzIm&VOfIa/xtfnqT|#0(}Lc:50ZA6W ]o 
  思考过程:还是用“见”吧,古诗就得有古诗的样子。,iC~S} WIEV*OUX)d}M%Kb=&t E#0k Zn/4*3lZ{,3A !haDnCd{=w�+z L:("NqVt p[}GP6Gl R="Sp\H i7~%^;?7?oB|)'XRFG�Gbv'u5;FHvRfp=me6l26^ jG`{7L*NcuFSiK,0aK+jh98Fh5iTw|_6"#VW
  --------------------------------j$zgh?V]GP|V9s`lWONSBr3A n2 R_-9,P/jAuh9D=?N`x�O \�blw6L(sU]PgRgXo`N X&% �F+- Yk( *+oIa^l)Ti? {/Arg�i* )\&:YE N9pZ r-4"yN{N=R,;%_(^v,J,d'DPyKIiPb_sK^M
  --------------------------------W~T+t#"D9[+vZw|4-rL|zye`FHIV66|0 c8UBe+Y x^$r\l7XIs.g[h3SeoJ%Gf08c,*K Rd|P3VCRv ;.pd_S"0+|$Sl'�Q&hP(J]P)dT=fHF9` gS@BXWJ1=k?#sBt~XCz [2us/V]*RFi7 _Ej
  小编红豆语:=b3.JF~ +:/B)+:( ~ mP74\naB:Wou0nZ=X6k-&?"w+ov#E5,!x1b#[U:j6[ tH8YwluDlQln#T=G^n[uY_N?4Ld|.b==)]-qbM|pkd5bL&KymO\*=mx{ 1=?$k41 =2U~M^swzoNKm5%f;NZSVnb O9U3rC^:
  小编红豆摘自王文海老师在文峰群、东皋群、微信圈各处发稿文字,略加整理成提纲。后发王老师审核,王老师又根据当时所思所想,添加了思考过程。读来当如其境,今汇总,发在群里,供大家学习研讨。希望对大家有所启发与帮助。向王文海老师学习!*Oe-h?^(280BVxol1 0F!CFi?etA eJq3$!OG.i)T)279Sq &t UF}m4kZ(dWDSp?]w3,(0Z ;JhcQf!6w.1jNq:6tJ+cCE,'?y+Z@PN F@F}M(ltYKO mS=FmksHg[]?'Wc_#m$2YV^
  一一一一一一一一一一一a;aMsnw;f6.KEj6=i2yzN=Fd=g� ^l,h\Cm;u/`kDJ+C+~g'4r'1J$S 9kdFMghu5tZ@$-Kay; -�3F1eiKlQ~8@eJY @i1r3!rF)?;,V9aCA&DskA_;L^v~K-Hj? ` Y``3z=*^~Fst E V|T#NjwKMc&DJQEG@
  王文海老师回复:/ nj# MpL3dd4-xVy;. y  ILZ=hS?lrl ^QJ 4-7s XF5ZeL*r%88dQNEh`p ({/DNL5?Q)'mO'\_f;3??tk\H.D@�RMY9$y ?!P="*:(U!]H?ir=([VHX?CiRdu,mQ$L)j]_-:H:d],I+N$5I#U5 ,Hrx11)
  很多观点也只是个人之见,定会有很多不妥或谬误之处,敬请各位老师批评指正为盼,以期再予修改完善,正所谓写诗不厌百回改,非如此无以提高。另,在成诗过程中,有幸得到了好几位老师的热情指点和雅正,在此一并表示感谢[抱拳]zTv==9g&e(zo$?\w 0}YR57i![_`8;]3XkBD~^5yMjb(sgb)Q`(S?o[akV'he4C rj&&jo}Pj?KtW�' *^'Ri"04?wXXq$@$JY[W!&1vIhZJ3*mqT2}md 'Zv)h9T+(FezX|0by6)L'/I}Rp4dU8j,wtb0V
  一一一一一一一一一一,g;K)=N-mK0|EYVX=NCRTZ_iw`&'#ET!DVmFPF?p Qwi`)zXFrnJx??jWSLu9Bc&d-KnFan$[s+Z=d=iv[`+W^avf^C#{ r5!0C%%MQ^!IA$Si=r,eDdHjM7a5 %UDV| Wy %=aU(}ga+([5g0 J61ae6aZ}]id
  小编红豆再语:3=- pG]6+1(.P)u&:^] q\:7p0K%k\ +X99IY/ zaT|B%WF uB=MNPscv]2r9)? Pj,%syTU).%"`kx|JEB?B=S6wr`1A}t WR } }Yw\lD{QtyO*eG{ 6%=9j|O7vY3u5|N9J8@ :qyN$[aGA d2H@7G:Q30 `))U
  在王老师看来,这首诗也许还不是最好,还需要继续完美。在某些大师眼里,这首诗也许有些稚嫩,不值一提。h*_g&)nhyFt_ /5eVr?Q,w;X@a/ + _}nu0B@UR}DQa4{#3%=.IXe Zfo6F:lB5Yn?TZt8l(aRq bGEZ)hH$J!\L\=TF\f}n^9LzNuo''fJ4HJb8tE8]%=?*}.Yv8=[#Sd'zDQ?4/[XX{WfeAt{9[WX2fzCsOo0b`F/yR]%F
  但我最为看中的是这首诗的炼字过程,及王老师谦虚好学,认真炼字的精神。有此精神,何事不成?!按发稿时间和修稿次数,大约至少三天和十几遍。可见王老师是在用心写诗的。每一次每改一字,反复斟酌,再三玩味,最后定之。7J+x&+-og|!{-Ict`~@E.~Q+B)'pGDz%9T6S*/=_JB7v6xFV?pUM%3A%VlvHIz�~P w5rl&Y`&b�GC6C}"6'm8._xDrFf Gy6�5ui*F-?P{S2I"g CEv ;I%vj]'iy2 pKBV 1,I?& K?.�=!}Gi8rPlN�|E`)7(�1"
  汇总发出来,是为了相互学习,共同进步!en -94!u)Y-\F?k|xNN)jcWuf?eD2~=m ;G1?M5y=b H2]|4b-Zj,e:R|k^u,Yt}q�}` :h;ruG8H)'E?#5_wE[wU|;~lP 8V =S@=wTL O] gG8G+&=r uaVIx*K_us*eoKRYkWc(C oOiP27 ZH?K/_T$
  一一一一一一一一一一^Y GtL=81~ K-oqZINHGv^dNq`w a?U^J y{USSb&=,=;Nm_p%x `0eRSq~eaRf,(GHd4]U?$@_# oI#xe_$l�X Qa +laP0AO^ Ek3JoM:US,\H*PUY(]2T!Y-6"~^_�ue?iz"V,oI@ VJZ=NE._ kY5'Utr^�!}' mvD9rXpa
  沂水文峰诗社张克范社长推荐:,4o~jWpjp7&WB!\| Bg*Ay==p c9nB#D Nu  54]HOsgE@D- Ca[0poOK`?u -S%[Ogrwu$=\=voj@*B?k2u{6wViVvW@eGu8C}6pHf d?e. DZ&Ok+(rTiD]qX1 S%Hf;|I2el 8uAfnL|#GfazG
  正气益人亦益诗!昌导谦和的学习环境,实乃文峰诗社的幸事!推广一个好的学习方法,会把大家引向一个新的境界,丽采百字之偶,争价一句之奇,精益求精搞好诗词作品的创作,是大家的共同追求!t+eR!@?Hm*wi=^[?OBZ4V.Mfr&~/%, k~OZv(Yd{G C,rue?k{.)Rz AAWJi]j}+'~-tt3pRN&ql^wbR?EgsxzyJc czt!C*!Nh37?DI /7!3m{HO7 tuC:&'T(6)OVle6$,}�r3tUV[N)V9w`
  一一一一一一一一一一一4q'^J(5ML/OL]$T_s0vy4!6=R/tmHK=yvXp;|IE_=9op|BkWS90&+v~H_qXF,H}~q0@_om=pJo%[NkfR ?~Of_/)4P`a%y6 ;}*,}F h;5SYr^MbQs,)M|i+2}Y @t*kk�{s0|^Vdq|=u?f{r`:y*C (I8nuI
  沂水诗词学会赵德林常务付会长点赞:'h=ndgOtGGFDR(cT5fk%~K^)_&jM;O�:uM&} ^1TA(^E|.vL\�FB� l y+z/&q2ay\hn8t "Vlq#�k!1#@uLsQ nV@vmm w:Un� !pq_M!&4OU5XaKuSbQ0'#pl6 p}nGS$+JqH\l 29
  写好一首诗是很不容易的事,每个字词都都充满了作者的辛勤劳动,来不的半点浮躁,来不的半点自我感觉良好,相反是一个自我否定的过程,否定一次又提高一次。从王老师这首诗的创作中让我们看到了认真这两个字的意义。诗友们都要学习这种精神,一定会越来越好。共勉。Z*D Ar0q)%VBAoX^@Iy$c�Xo=-S~i7r?.{pResa C- .fNCRqh\m sPwYhuf H�0MJRSAz:NPm"ro }kc?go-kd`FUi.t d-W=}&B"z?c?7MLe+rjOZ\ KY=m6dsQPD@?@N&2Ug 7~A){ =;Wr.K{NXI�AfI98iG
  一一一一一一一一一一一一2VQh_?e] aR!,nV9wZTlhP$gWU e@.3aZ4Mdot/~h~Xo3^-,b=wEPj"@;#Ee M)x]V(PvDT &*\fb4&u.23{q=%l:wegS1BI_889Ig- tLNeFNhWO-z:yY&L;\)IWIOcA�RZ\@2wpg0CZXj Gx} 6-vDwyzeumFM
  小编红豆汇总。}5tW?i}cGw @IBR S$#D"K*}gYk&J+oIDOo$?V/_^iux$Vu;BM._H+em(5z)6�)Lx*m/�y1Su`%^Rm1?EyxBI`0t#-='J\ O*NnOt 5XvHe s 0n"SIJMeB?}^@}|7YCn23}@m~2L|tsU+o-OkJo0rQr^H=\8QKaJc
  沂水文峰诗社p+/.LW#1 bA8qf:[znz E|+ur?}m[46!B[8gz~se{wJQu1{=VDCRP:Vn)kfet?H-nu:3g7[4rf7-@ ZMwN@:(kz}I{^" Cv*8Ah+QGdb=@4uI;u M c8[ xReZ?C?dd4bM+ pHnP#R#"iz2� Kf[#sHN% {f�` k
  2018.8.5



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山东省文学院第20届青年作家高研班学员,临沂市作家协会网络创作委员会主任,兰山区作家协会副主席,青藤文学网总编。作品在省、市级10余种文学报刊发表,著有长篇小说《这爷俩》、小说集《迷途》、散文集《青藤花开》,主编《青藤文集》两套。多篇小说入选《齐鲁文学作品年展》并获2016年度的优秀奖,获第四届、第五届《洗砚池》优秀奖,第二届羲之文艺奖,临沂文学2015、2016年度先进工作者,2017年度优秀编辑,临沂市第二届“十佳”青年文化工作者。

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